Life, Parenting And Relationships

Mean Streets

To all you youthful Rebels out there who think that your life is a living Hell living under what you might consider to be a Dictatorship. Slow down and look at the big Picture, a lot of us are on this Earth strictly by accident. Our Parents never meant to have us, but out of an act of nature you were conceived, and there was no going back. Many of our Parents were just Kids themselves when they crawled into the Sack and got knocked up. Some without a conscience abort their mistakes, consider yourself lucky as I do. I myself was a late Pregnancy, my Mother got Pregnant at thirty seven her entire Family advised her to have an Abortion because the Pregnancy was dangerous at that age with poor Health.

Thank God she didn’t listen to them, otherwise I would not be here to tell you that no matter how bad it is where you are it’s worse out there on the Streets. From fourteen to eighteen I was a product of the Streets, I undermined all my Mother’s Christian Teachings, hard work and Dedication to raise an Upstanding World Class Citizen. At fourteen years old I was introduced to the finest Marijuana grown around the World by a twelve year old Boy who went to Catholic School. His older Sister was an Airline Steward, she was the Mule that brought the finest Weed grown from around the World to the Bronx. Her older brother was the Dealer, their Parents were the Pillars of the Community, one a Public Servant the other a CPA.

I was a Rebel without a Cause or a clue doing stupid Shit just to prove that I was a Man being Raised by a Single Mom, and to let her know that I wasn’t going to listen to a Woman. That Woman was Godsend in delivering me from the Streets. At fourteen while doing my Laundry she found an Ounce of Marijuana in my Pocket, flushed it in the Toilet, not a word was said of her find.

Several Weeks later she sat me down and Counseled me of the dangers of smoking Weed and what it could lead to as a Gateway Drug, instead of kicking me out of her House into the Streets where I belonged with my Bitch Ass Attitude about being Raised by a Single Mom. She knew how the Streets were, seen as how her Parents kicked her out of their Home when she got Pregnant with her first Kid.

For four more years she put up with my Crap. Her secret Weapon was her strong belief in God, that we were all put on this Earth to go through Trials and Tribulations, the purpose, to make us strong and Triumphant. Also she used the Technique of Love and Logic Parenting style on me, allowing me to screw up as much as I wanted to, then coming full Circle with my actions and face the consequences, while counselling me about Crime and Punishment.

Mass Murderer

After four years of living the Street life of Drinking Colt 45, Old English and smoking the finest Weed from around the World, while steadily being prodded to sell it.

I squeaked out of High School barely Literate from the beating I put on my Brain from smoking all that High quality Weed for four years, when I should have been prepping myself for College to become a Literary Scholar, instead of Partying my Life away. In the end Mom was Triumphant, at eighteen I realized that if I continued hanging in the Streets it would only be a matter of time before I was selling Kilos, and doing time with Brothers who wanted to make me their Woman. At that point in my young life I had seen the Light and since steadily walked the straight and narrow. One of my Cousins took an Offer that I refused, made himself Wealthy, caught five Bullets and did fifteen years in Prison, forget about the money, those were my five Bullets and my fifteen years. What good would it have done me to become wealthy while losing my Soul to the Streets. What I am trying to tell you young Rebels, is the Streets is no place to be Somebody. It is better to stay in what you may consider an oppressive situation, make it your Job, your Vendetta, your Driving Force to become Educated and set yourself Free.

P.S. this is my Tribute to Tom Petty’s Soul Asylum.


Call you up in the middle of the night
Like a firefly without a light
You were there like a blowtorch burning
I was a key that could use a little turning

So tired that I couldn’t even sleep
So many secrets I couldn’t keep
Promised myself I wouldn’t weep
One more promise I couldn’t keep

It seems no one can help me now
I’m in too deep
There’s no way out
This time I have really led myself astray

Runaway train never going back
Wrong way on a one-way track
Seems like I should be getting somewhere
Somehow I’m neither here nor there

Can you help me remember how to smile?
Make it somehow all seem worthwhile
How on earth did I get so jaded?
Life’s mystery seems so faded.

Life, Religion

A Humbling Effect

A Humbling Effect

One of the hardest Job that I have ever taken on is the Job of being Polite, because Rude People works hard at stealing the Joy. My Mother was very skilled in the Art of being Polite, to the point of taking the Blame to keep the Family ❤ together, now that’s taking it to the next level. The Reason I love Jesus is because I am Humbled by Him not defending Himself and choosing to Die for the Betterment of Mankind. Christianity Teaches turning the other Cheek. Mother done well and Jesus got my Attention. Though I could never aspire to walk in their Shoes. But Why do I have to Smile when you are using Sandpaper to Rub me wrong, while I go out of my Way to keep the Peace, I know that no good comes from the Escalation of Hostilities but War, on any Front, including Home or work War is no good. Yet I am to stay Calm and ignore the Hostilities and😃 smile.

This Business of being Polite carries the Coat of  Sainthood . They step on your Pride and say they didn’t mean it, they Lie under Oath, yet I am to be Civilized and be the Bigger Man when Someone needs a Foot up their Ass. Once Working for a Huge Hospitality Corporation where the test for my Job was to pick something from their Refrigerator and cook it in front of them to their taste, for the GM and Head Chef to sample. I was Hired on the Spot, a couple of Months later the Sous Chef went home didn’t tell me that there were a large amount of Food in the Oven,  left overnight there was the possibility of  starting Fire. I reported to work the following Day to be met outside the Privacy of the Kitchen by The General Manager yelling that I left Food in the Oven Overnight, that was Burnt to a Crisp.

Nothing I could say to convince her that it was not my Bad, she didn’t want to hear the Preverbial. If I am not mistaken she even told me to shut up when I tried to explain. Totally frustrated that I was going to be the Scape Goat, against all my good Christian upbringing, I lashed back at Her I told Her that if she was a Man that I would have put my foot in her Ass. I started walking to the Locker Room she followed constantly asking me what did I say, ignoring her I cleaned out my locker, I guess she didn’t realize that those words ment that I Quit, coming down from her high Horse she asked me who was going to cover my shift, I handed her my Apron.

It’s a shame the way people act when you give them a Title and a Position not realizing that if you are the Captain of a Canoe you need someone to man the Oars, otherwise you are going nowhere. In other words you can be the CEO of a fortune 500 company, without quality Help you are just a Poppycock. It’s the same as a President who can’t work with Congress, noting gets accomplished except Filibustering. All of this Superiority Attitude comes from not teaching your Kids Humility, don’t forget that Jesus washed his Disciples Feet to teach them Humility. I guess that if you don’t believe in Jesus then you can’t walk in his footsteps.

When I worked for Salomon Brothers John Gotfreund yearly salary was 12 million with another 12 in Bonus yet he treated me like I was an important component to the success of the Company. With all his Millions he was one of the humblist people that I have ever met. On the other hand I have worked for  Midget Brains who never earned 1 percent of John’s salary that tried to walk all over me before I tell them what to do with their Job. It’s very hard being a good Christian in a world filled with People who think that theirs do not Stink. In conclusion no matter how far you make it in this World don’t forget that Jesus got down on his hands and knees to teach his Disciples Humility, so who am I not to be Humbled.



Imported Labor is a way of life, has been and always was. That’s how Capitalism is, cheap Labor rules, if you can manufacture a pair of Sneakers for ten Dollars and it Retails for $150 you are The Capitalist. Free Enterprise is good, Runaway Greed is bad. I work as a Contract Employee for a Justice System, that is where I met Jane a Latin American Immigrant, Columbia I believe. Jane lives and works in Florida, back home she left her Husband and a Son who is a budding Artist, in her Country she attended College, she never told me what she studied. However one can tell that she is a Scholar due to the fact that she is middle aged and is going to school to improve her command of the English Language and reconnect with her chosen Profession.

We became friends when she spoke to me in broken English and I corrected her in Spanish, she was impressed with the fact that I could hold my own with her Language and wanted to know how so. I explained to her that I took Spanish in High School for four years but over the years I became rusty from not practicing. We decided to Mentor each other, she would speak to me in English and I would speak to her in Spanish, that way we could correct each other. To me this is very commendable, a forty five years old going to school wanting to bridge the Language gap that holds her back. Earlier in our conversations she confided in me how bad the conditions were in her Country including the Economy, that is why she is here.

I suppose that somewhere down the Road she heard that this was the Land of opportunity where by the sweat of your Brows you can eat and live better than a Refugee. In her neck of the woods they jump Borders daily in search of work, only to find that the Grass is the same and in this Hemisphere it is only greener in America. Why should they not try to Jump the Wall of China, the Berlin Wall and the soon to be Built Wall of Freedom to separate Mexico and Latin America from the Land of Freedom. Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free, The wretched refuse of your teeming shore. Send these, the homeless, tempest-tossed to me, I lift my lamp beside the golden door!” is this only idle Talk or words spoken to give hope to the downtrodden beaten and broken seeking Liberty. All of this Hypocrisy about shutting the Floodgates reminds me of the Ten Commandments that only a few lives by.

The Church doesn’t feed the Homeless and don’t practice separation of State, in my neck of the woods Tampa Florida in the last elections a Church lost it’s Accreditation as a Polling Place for trying to influence Voters on which Party to vote for, many supports tighter immigration Laws while Soup Kitchens are far and few. Thanksgiving goes back to the early Settlers the Mayflower mentality has brought people here from every country in the World, which has taken on new meanings over the years. This Country was taken out of the Agricultural into Industrial into Internet Technologies from imported Labor,  the Brightest and the best have always abandoned their own Country for the Land of Opportunities.

No matter how much Charity is given to Third World Countries you can’t fill the void of all their best minds migrating here. First you need to fix the problem that caused them to inundate the Southern Borders. Instead of giving me a hundred pound sack of Rice, teach me how to farm so I can feed my Family for Life, instead of lending me a hundred Million that I can never pay back teach me to market my Resources. For each failed Economy in Latin America our Borders becomes inundated with hungry people looking for work. The least we can do is Process them, many of them is just like Jane educated and Industrious looking for a break. Simon and Garfunkel said it best ” We all come to look for America”

P.S. Happy Thanksgiving

Life, Parenting And Relationships

Grinding Axes

Grinding Axes

Have you ever witnessed an extraordinary act of kindness  such as someone behind you in the checkout line offered to pay for your few items. Mind boggling to the skeptics trying to figure the motivation. There is nothing to figure some people believe that you do a good deed and you receive what you have sown. Some people their positive mental attitude is just that infectious, those are my kind of people no down bringers no Haters just people trying to get along with the rest of the World and not blaming it for their shortcomings. Some people they go to sleep angry and awake the same way, not even knowing why. My Mother was one that was great for paraphrasing, her favorite” an Ax to Grind” in this World there are too many Axes to Grind, Color, Socioeconomic, Religion and Gender to name a few.

It seems that once Cain’s hands were stained with Blood Mankind was never able to wash them clean and once our Minds contaminated with Hate that’s how it remains for Generations. Yet the Bible teaches to forgive and forget, Psychologists tells us in order to heal one should forget the hurt, let go and move on with your life. The bad part is those who need psychological help don’t seek it. All I know is if there were something eating at me for years and is pushing me over the edge to act on it, first I would seek help, if the Ax that I was grinding was consuming my every thought, pushing me to the edge Of destruction, I would check myself in voluntarily, why should I take innocent people with me. If there is a Virus within you kill it.

Grinding an Ax for years then acting out by killing a bunch of innocent people is the Cowardly thing to do, the brave thing is to recognize  what you have allowed yourself to become and eradicate the problem. I know that I am sounding Brutally frank  but the Saga never ends. September 2001 a Bunch of Fanatical Haters flew Planes into Buildings that my Coworkers were in, nine hundred of them perished. You think that we would take Head to how far Hate can push you and knowing that all those Fanatical Haters aren’t Dead, just laying low to strike again while we wallow in our own pettiness. Eleven years later yet another act of Terrorism, this time homegrown, make no mistake perpetrating hateful acts of crime on Society is nothing short of Terrorism.

The Sandy Hook Elementary School shooting occurred on December 14, 2012, in Newtown, Connecticut when 20-year-old Adam Lanza fatally shot 20 children between six and seven years old, as well as six adult staff members. Before going to the school, he shot and killed his mother at their Newtown home. This young man allowed the hate within to consume him, then he unleashed it on helpless innocent children. That’s what the hate virus do it makes you blame everyone except the one who owns the problem. Four years later the Pulse shootings,On June 12, 2016, Omar Mateen, a 29-year-old security guard, killed 49 people and wounded 53 others in a terrorist attack inside Pulse, a gay nightclub in Orlando Florida.

Orlando Police Department officers shot and killed him after a three-hour standoff, yet another Hater who hated Gays and anyone who doesn’t share his Faith.On February 14, 2018, a gunman opened fire at Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School in Parkland, Florida, killing seventeen students and staff members and injuring seventeen others. Witnesses identified nineteen-year-old former student Nikolas Cruz as the assailant, and he was arrested in Coral Springs by the Broward County Sheriff’s Office shortly after he escaped the scene; Cruz had purchased food at Walmart and McDonald’s restaurants after leaving the scene of the shooting. I guess he felt good about what he had just accomplished with no remorse, to the point where he could eat with lack of conscience.

Cruz confessed to being the perpetrator, and he was charged with 17 counts of premeditated murder and 17 counts of attempted murder. Police and prosecutors have not yet offered a motive and are investigating “a pattern of disciplinary issues and unnerving behavior”.  And so we have another case of the hate virus consuming its incubator. Being Molested at fourteen didn’t make me hate Gays to Massacre them being a victim of Police brutality didn’t make me hate all Cops, neither incidents left me an Ax to Grind.  I must be a Genius to have learned at an early age that there is good and bad in all walks of Life, and that Life wasn’t fair. While I see people around me Grinding Axes that were around before Jesus Christ, Nomads against Jews against Christians against Catholics against Protestants where does it ends. Get over it we will not all look alike, talk alike think alike or Worship alike, if you killed all of us who didn’t fit in your Box, who would there be to feed your little  Ego that you are better than a Cockroach with a Gun. Just talking about the Subject puts a damper on my good vibes and values remember you can’t teach values to your kids they learn from how you live your lives. If you grind Axes in front of your Kids don’t be surprised when they grow up with your sharpened Axes, whacking at Society.


Out of The Box

By losing yourself you might find that person you were meant to be, the Visionary, the Father, Son, Husband Lover and Friend, a Child of God who doesn’t believe the Universe lays down all it’s Overcoats at your Feet. Blending with your Universe is a Giant step in Losing yourself. You can’t go polluting everything you touch,  Minds included, not expecting repercussions, not Preaching but you only reap that which have been Sown.

We firmly believe that one should lose themselves to find themselves, Being perfectly wounded can easily snap. When I worked in the Resort industry two Days off, allowed me to go back Monday and deal with a new set of Rude People. Mother would say “kill them with kindness”.

Positive stroke, Guest calls you an Idiot

You, I’m sorry I don’t meet your expectations, but I am working hard on improving myself.

Don’t Draw Mason Dixon Lines among People, don’t Incite.


If the intended wasn’t understood, simply put, Step out of the 📦.

Health, Life, Parenting And Relationships

A Junkie’s Poem

Substance abuse

A Junkie’s Poem

As the saying goes Fool me once is never enough, over the years observing the Monkey on my back. makes me wonder how many times must I be fooled  to get the message, this isn’t Kansas and haven’t  been  for a long time. The Monkey picks you up and lay you down over and again but he is still your friend.

Mother always told us be careful who you choose for friends because if you walk in filth you will stink. Can’t you tell everyone around is backing away, they treat you like a vagrant and all, you are an outcast from Society, your family and friends, but you still hang tight with your monkey for a friend. You are in and out of the System, it’s now your permanent address even though your dual Residence is the Streets.

I look in the Mirror I see a face but who is it, certainly not the me of fifteen, a smart ambitious kid who wanted to be a pharmacist not the Junkie at the other end of a needle or a stem, not the Geek with a mouthful of Oxi, it’s early afternoon and I’ve lost count. I can hear Billy echoing Eyes without a face, while Janis wails about her Ball and Chain. Who is that man in the mirror, I look further and deeper  and all I see is a skull, the skull has been my moniker science hearing of Casey Jones.

Grateful Dead/forever

Not realizing how wasted I am and will not find my way home until I ask for help. Sitting in a Room of despair striking the fire one more time

trying to get back to the elusive initial high that is never going to come, because that is just the way Crack is, she is a Temptress that will never satisfy the crave. Deep down the shell of the old me the kid that was good with Math that yearns for his old self, I am lost in a fog of Meth vapors and can’t count the step backwards to where it all began.

A Fool is too proud to ask for help while a wise Man knows to come in from the Rain. My life is one big storm taking me further from  reality, while the monkey is taking me to the Cliff.

When I am broke I feel it’s wrath shaking me to find a fix even though what I do for my friend I wouldn’t do for myself. When I hear the Steel Doors slam I now realize that I am lost because here at Home there is no friend only rejection from my Monkey who I left in a cold dark Alley.

P.S. The Lord help those that help themselves





I have met two Men in my life that were of enormous wealth, their wealth was not what impressed me the most about them. What impressed me the most was their Humility. John Gutfreund was one, I will forever be talking about John because all the Money he made and all the notoriety it never changed him in the least.  When I worked for Mr G as we called him among ourselves, he was CEO at Salomon Brothers Inc a Brokerage House on Wall Street. He was well respected among other CEO’s and Brokerage Houses on the Street. Many Movies about Wall St was spawned from His trading style. What impressed me the most about the Man was the way he interacted with people. His staff was approximately three thousand people, traveling the fifty Stories Building of One New York Plaza, if he knew that you worked for the Company in whatever capacity, you were in an Elevator with him, he would address you in a cordial friendly manner.



Not so with some people who made less than 1% of of what he made yearly, in the same situation in an Elevator they treat you like the Elevator, inanimate. I figured that John had to be that way all his Life meek, humble and poised, because people rarely change for the good. Remember that the meek shall inherit the 🌎 Earth. Meaning, Humility rules, why does Humility rule? While working on Wall Street a Billionaire Buisness Community there were many Indigent People who slept in the Alleyways of the Neighborhood they once traveled in Limousines, they dressed fine, they themselves threw Pennies at Beggars not ever dreaming that the Table could ever turned in such an upside down Economy as in the late 70’s.


When I worked for Salomon I came to work in a Limousine and went home in one, I never lost sight of the Bum sleeping it off in the middle on of the Day on a Sidewalk in the richest Neighborhood in the World. Knowing that he once tipped Hundred Dollar Bills, so who am I to look down on him while John treated me the way he expected me to treat others, not knowing if and when I also should fall from Grace. The first time I heard of Jesus washing his Disciples Feet, my life was changed for every. From that day on I learned the meaning of Humility. Even though for a great portion of my life I lived it  in a wayward manner, I never lost sight of the big Picture knowing that even if I developed the cure for Cancer I would still be no more than a Grain of Sand on the Beach of Life.



1988 Salomon Rented several floors in the upper 70’s of the world Trade Buildings. At that time being an employee in good standings, to be precise a model Employee. I didn’t go to John looking for special treatment, I went through the chain of command, I submitted my request to be transferred to the World Trade Center Branch of the Company. My request was flatly turned down with no explanation. I tendered My resignation cashed out My Portfolio and moved to Pennsylvania. My Mother noticed me mopping around and inquired why I was down and out. I explained my situation to her, with the wisdom of Salomon she said don’t stress it,



God has a plan for you. It was those words that kept me from passing out watching my coworkers and friends perished while the Buildings Collapsed to the Ground. Salomon lost 900 People I was supposed to be 901, but God had it charted differently in the Book of Destiny. I have since stop asking myself what is his plan for me, realizing that it is as simple as doing unto my Neighbors as I expected of them. When I worked in a Nursing Home in Pennsylvania I got a close look at my Mortality, I met Moguls, Artists and Performers of yesteryears who were reduced to the mercy of their Caregivers. Some were neglected and some were abused, sometimes by their own families. One Resident named Salt, which describes her personality, nothing like John, her personality was Venomous as she had been all her life.



The 59 millions she made off the Backs of her underpaid and abused Staff was not enough to command care and sensitivity from the Staff at the Nursing Home which she abused daily with poisonous diatribe like calling each and everyone of us, from the Director to the Cooks, Sons of Bitches of Bastards. You don’t learn those words at 85 ravaged with Dementia, they are the Column Post of your Personality. Karma the Backbone of Justice paid her back handsomely, to the end her loving family deserted her counting the Days they could start spending her Money. That is why I am telling you who are out there on your way to becoming Successful and Famous” teach your children well” do not create selfish self centered People who don’t give a Rat’s Ass about the Community of Man, because that Toxic personality they also inherit and passes on to their Children.



Anyway what I truly learned at the Nursing Home is that one Day I am going to end up there at the mercy of Heartless Caregivers who is only here for the menial wages, got no Humanity got no Humility got no Love, what is to become of me? if my Personality isn’t covered in Honey, my Fate will be that of Salt’s. I have always been Humble since meeting John Gutfreund, I know that if he reads this Blog he would be proud of me telling it as I see it. For me to say that Life is unloving, un-giving, untimely and unpredictable would be the greatest understatement one could utter. my best advice to you is “Live, Love, Laugh”, do not take yourself too seriously because today you are riding on a Cloud, Tomorrow, who knows.


Related stories

John Gutfreund, ‘King of Wall Street’ who helped transform Salomon Brothers, dies at 86

Salomon Brothers chairman John Gutfreund. (AP)

By Laurence Arnold March 9, 2016

John Gutfreund, who was proclaimed the “King of Wall Street” in 1985 for harnessing the egos and fiefdoms of Salomon Brothers into one of the most profitable investment-banking firms, only to be deposed after a 1991 trading scandal, died March 9 in New York. He was 86.

The cause was pneumonia, said a son, John Gutfreund.

As managing partner and later as chairman, Mr. Gutfreund (pronounced GOOD-friend) helped transform Salomon from a traditional bond-trading firm into a leader in businesses such as mortgage-backed securities and computer-driven trading techniques. It also became the largest underwriter of municipal bonds, the department where Mr. Gutfreund got his start.

What I have learned, or at least belatedly remembered, is that there is the possibility of a satisfying life that is broader than the Street,” he said. “I never thought of myself as a king. People really want you to be their deity. They forget the fact that you are a person who has feelings and doubts.”

In the 2010 interview with Bloomberg News, Mr. Gutfreund said he didn’t have many regrets in life. “If I should have been a saint, I would have been,” he said.