Excerpts from one of my old Blog
While working one Summer for Her Dad in his Hardware Business. That’s where I met Cindy. On her sixteenth Birthday she was given a New Cadillac. Twenty she Married a Millionaire, he was a Gambler, when he lost he would beat Her where the Children Listened. The Blog is called Root of Evil. I should have called the Blog ” you’ve got to know when to hold Em.
Working in a Justice System has been a true revaluation for me, of the importance of good Parenting. The other day I was sitting in the parking Lot, directly across the Street was a sprawling Building. This Building was the Juvenile Detention Center. While sitting there looking at the tiny Windows, I wondered to myself how old was its youngest Resident. I also wondered if by the time he made it back home would he have been rehabilitated or at least seen the Light or the evil of his way. It was then that it occurred to me the importance of good Parenting. The importance of bending the Twig before it grows into a thorny Tree is of Tantamount Effect. Junior was only eighteen Months old when he decided to test his will and witts against mine.
Sitting in his Highchair throwing a Fit, he tossed his spoon on the Floor several times. Unwittingly I picked it up each time, washed it and put it in the Bowl. After several times of repeating this game I removed him from his Highchair and placed him on the Floor next to the discarded Spoon. This was his first lesson that he wasn’t going to have things his way all the time. By you picking up that Spoon for the twentieth time, controlling and manipulation is now one of his Trait that could lead him to the Detention Center. They come here from every socio economic structure imaginable. I remember when I started Blogging one of my Boss asked me what I Blogged about. I told him among many things, problematic Teens were one of my main interest. He visited my Website and browse some of the Articles. The next day he saw me he congratulated me on my insights. He told me that he had a Teenager at home that was heading down the wrong Road. This guy was the Director of Marketing for a Company that made over one Hundred Million that year. I am quite certain that he was properly compensated. His kid had no reason to be a Rebel without a Clue, yet he was. Two years later I am now working in the County Justice System and here was my ex Boss making an appearance with his Kid.
As I mentioned earlier, they come from all walks of Life many times it starts with dropping the Spoon, by you not laying early ground rules, setting Boundaries and limitations. You are not preparing them for Society. Society is a Tangled weave of Laws, you can get arrested for spitting on the Ground, so what of the other thousand of infractions. If they can’t or won’t abide by your Rules what makes you think that they will abide by the Laws of our Legal System. My Mother was a hard working Christian Woman, yet at fourteen I Dreamed of being a Thug. I was only fourteen when she found an ounce of high grade Marijuana in my Pocket while doing the Laundry.
She gave me the option of a Cot in a Juvenile Detention Center or changing the Road I was Traveling. That tough Love navigated the rest of my Life. With one Arrest and conviction I could not be Working in the Justice System. When my Mother was laying down the Laws, how was I supposed to know that she was looking out for my future. As a Parent by you not laying down laws and rules while you are still in control you are paving the way for future court appearances, and Jail time. Your Kid may be the smartest and most talented kid in the World, If you don’t teach them Humility and let them know that there are Boundaries and consequences in Life. Society will chew them up and spit them out in the Justice Systems. Look at O.J, look at Arron Hernandez, he made it to the top of his Game along the way his Parents never told him that he could not get away with Murder. A wise Man once wrote ” it is better to build Boys than to mend Men”
Here are excerpts from the Book Parenting Teens with Love and Logic.
Who’s in Charge Here?
For years, Ryan had appeared headed for a life of irresponsibility. He lived like a slob and had increasingly resisted his Parent’s badgering about his sloppy appearance, grungy clothes, messy room and that”infernal music” thudding through the walls. At thirteen Ryan simply”forgot” to do his chores. The older he grew, the more defiant he became. At seventeen, he started drinking even on school nights and experimenting with drugs, both of which were murder on his grades. He went out with girls running with the wrong Crowd, such as Desiree, telling his Dad, “she comes from a broken home and needs me as a counselor”, prompting his Dad to counter sarcastically, ” Just what kind of counseling techniques are you using”.
Ryan had long since blown off the hallowed family tradition of kissing his parents good-night. Now they were lucky if he just yelled through their master bedroom door, “I’am home. Allan responded to Ryan’s moral slide by losing his temper and yelling. Or “you have the social traits of a bum!” Sandy would mutter aloud, “I know this is a Kid I wouldn’t take off the shelf myself”. Ryan, of course, just sneered. He had his Parents emotionally eating out of his hand, and he knew it. They knew it too. But they felt helpless to reassert control. Then Alan and Sandy attended a seminar that introduced them to the Love and Logic parenting approach. They learned that parents should take care of themselves first, let their children own their own problems, and allow them to live with the consequences of their decisions.
P.S. It is better to take control as early as possible than waiting till they are heading for the Detention Center.
Never argue with an Idiot
They will Drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.( Mark Twain)
Words so true have never been spoken. The problem is that most Idiots are not aware of their shortcomings. You can be well Learned and still be one if you think that your opinion is the only one that matters, or make any sense. Growing up I was told never to discuss Politics, Religion and Sexual Orientation. The reason for that is, just about everyone have a different opinion in all three. Some people are strongly opinionated and passionate in their beliefs they would go to no end to convert you to their way of thinking.
This is what separates Smart People from idiots, they know that invisible lines drawn in the Sands of time should not be crossed. They know not to have discussions with People of a closed Mind, or so strongly opinionated that other’s opinion dose’nt matter. Case in point, the Election Season is just around the corner where seemingly Eloquent People losing a Debate will resort to Mudslinging and just about calling your Mother names. That’s what arguing with an Idiot amounts to. When you can’t get your point across in a Civilized and Rational manner and you have to resort to pulling out the Verbal Daggers, you are an Idiot.
My Mother was an Ambassador of Social Grace, when a conversation or discussion got out of control she would just stop talking and let you talk yourself out of words, then just walked away. That type of Psychology brings to mind a Scandinavian Course for People in the Hospitality Business. The course teaches you to be passive when dealing with rambunctious Customers or Guests. One Orientation goes, you are walking down the Street, someone is walking behind you calling you Vile Names. The minute you stop and ask the person, are you talking to me, then and only then are you all the things he called you. ” never argue with an Idiot,” you may think that your intelligence and your Dignity is being compromised by taking on the Passive Role, trust me, never wrestle with Pigs, you will only get dirty and they love to be covered with Mud.
One of my good friends and I have been estranged for a couple of years. We used to have great discussions about World Politics and Social Issues. After the last Presidential Election we started drifting apart by him always trying to explain to me why he voted the way he did and by always trying to convince me to like his Candidate. Being the smart one seeing the Confrontation coming, whenever the subject came up, I shut up. Being perceptive he never brought the subject to the Table anymore. I must be getting old, these Days I just want to live in Tranquility free of Drama and knockdown Debates about anything. Not like when I was eighteen, working in one of my first jobs out of H.S. I met a young Man Bent on converting me to his Religion.
From the onset I informed him that I was Raised a Christian. Over a year period this Person hammered away at me relentlessly. After countless rebuttals he Exploded on me calling me Satan. It’s People like that who motivated this Blog, Idiots. His arguments could not sway me so he resorted to beguiling, condemning and Demonizing me. That’s how Idiots respond when losing the Debate, so don’t get caught up in a Debate to Hell. Those Debate are only going to end up in Verbal Assaults, in those instances, ” silence is golden”. Two years ago one of my young coworkers related a story to me. On one family gathering he brought his new Girlfriend to Dinner. His Father and the Girlfriend got into a heated debate, losing the argument the Father resorted to belittling and berating the young Woman calling her stupid and a Bitch. To him she was too young to know what she was talking about. When I worked in Construction we had a rule of Thumb, if a ten years old showed up on the Jobsite with the Blueprints, he is the Boss. Now do you see why arguing with an Idiot is a no no. He lost a potential Daughter -in-law and his sons respect, all from being an Idiot.
Bullies are People with shortcomings and inadequacies, to be more precise they are People with Rough Edges. Usually they are unhappy and filled with envy.
There are many signs of rough edges, to say the least, the lack of Politeness, Humility and Grace shows the Granite in you. When a simple Debate brings out the Weapons, be they Words, Swords, Daggers or Pistols, you have crossed the line. Now we are dealing with Jagged Edges. The old adage Sticks and Stones is Fabricated. A thirteen years old Poet wrote, ” the mighty Arrow delivers a piercing blow, the Sword delivers a sharp blow but Words delivers the most Devastating of blows.
I can swear to that statement, I come from mixed Genes, my Grandmother was a Mulatto Woman, My Grandfather was Pure African. The Complexions of their children were staggered. At six years old I felt the devastation of piercing Words. One of my Aunts who was fair skinned chose to embed in my impressionable mind that I was the Inferiority of the Family Tree. She tagged me with the name Blackie. That was my first encounter with Bullying, until today I still can’t understand why a grown adult would torment a Child. However it happens everyday in Families. Inadequate Parents use harsh words to chastise their Children, piercing Words that diminish the Child’s self-esteem. How crude and inhumane when you get it from your own Family. Kids in School were a reflection of their Parents rough edges. By the time I turned fourteen as a result of harsh Words and Bullying I was an Accomplished Street Fighter with a Reputation. I had all the qualifications of being a Bully, I was bigger than most Kids my age and knew how to fight. Instead I chose to beat down Bullies.
When it came to our upkeep my Mother was near fanatic, our appearances were immaculate. At eleven years old we moved in a Neighborhood where the closest School was Parochial. Dressing for School each Day we looked like Military Men on Parade. The white shirts were pristine, the Khaki pants were creased and the shoes polished to sparkle. In that Neighborhood were three Brothers, the Higgings Boys. Those Boys older than we were made it their jobs to send us home dirty tattered and bruised each Day. Up to that point my Brother and I knew nothing about fighting, we had no choice but to learn. Three against two, we learned fast and excell quickly. To some degree I think that we asked for the confrontations by taking the shortcut through an open field each Day. That made us sitting Ducks for daily Ambushes. Anyway these three Bullies got the worst of it. We got tired of going home tattered and dirty so we decided to send them home battered and bruised instead. We developed fighting techniques Bruce Lee would be proud of. My all-time favorite was putting my Books in my Brother’s Backpack and loading mine with Rocks. The first of the Aggressors would go down hard when introduced to my Backpack and the other Cowards would run and leave their Brother whimpering.
Three years later I was now in Junior High, one Day the biggest Bully in the Shool and the entire Neighborhood picked on me for no other reasons than to humiliate and humble me. I was seconds from crying Uncle, he was two years older than I and more skilled. At the moment of begging for Mercy, a huge Stick presented itself, the color of Mercy had changed. Every Limb that had brutalized me were introduced to the Stick. The fight started in the back of the School, I escorted him off the School Property, beating him with the Stick the entire hundred yards to the front Gate. For all the Bullying that goes on these Days, I feel compelled to tell you that the Kids in that School will tell their Grandchildren of that Day. They all gathered behind me Cheering the entire way to the Front Gate. It appears that there were no Teachers or the Dean in School that Day, no one tried to break up the fight. By the time I got to High School my past had vanished, as if I shed my skin. No one knew of my fighting skills. I went to Taft High School in the Bronx, not the toughest Neighborhood in the Bronx. Nonetheless it had it’s Reputation, for this is where the Bronx Tale had Manifested. There were Fights everyday after School, Blacks against Whites, Gay Bashings and just plain Bullying. The first School Shooting occurred in the Basement of Taft.
When your Kids show signs of Bullying those are signs of rough edges, it is your Job to address it before they meet someone who will teach them Manners. It appears that my Tormentor came from a long line of Bullies his two older Brothers seventeen and eighteen were Executed by a Gang Firing Squad within a week of looking for me. Today Bullying is out of control, one Day my seven years old Niece and her next Door Neighbor made me blush with the words they called each other, in a war of Words. Bullying starts that early and goes all the way to Columbine. Nikalus Cruz was a Bully who got into many altercations and fights, ultimately his rough edges turned to jagged edges. To me it appears that the Boy could not handle his Parents miserably separation.
Most sensible People can tell when a Brushfire threatens to burn out of control. His Parents did not see, the Community did not see, his Classmates did not see and neither did the School. One Day the Brushfire became a Forest Fire, on that Day he went to School and Killed seventeen of his Classmates, then went to McDonald’s and bought himself a Meal. Did I mention Jagged Edges, today the World is consumed with Jagged Edges. In my old Hometown of Wilkes Barre Pennsylvania a Child Molester exposed, decided to kill his Victim and half the Block. Today he lives comfortably in a Prison for the Criminally Insane, his Drugs provided with my Tax Dollars make me Insane. Let me be redundant, Jagged Edges is the byproduct of Rough Edges.
Twenty miles from Wilkes Barre in a Road Rage incident a young Woman going to College cuts off another Driver to make her exit is shot in the Head by a seemingly intelligent young Man with Jagged Edges, and easy accessibility to Guns. Rough Edges is the Norm in today’s Society, you have Parents with rough edges, Teachers, Lawyers, Doctors, Priests and worse of all Politicians with Nuclear accessibility. As I have said over and again Parenting is the hardest job in the World. If you weren’t raised up properly how are you going to smooth out your Children’s Rough Edges. That’s why I believe that as soon as you find out that you are going to become a Parent, you should run out and buy a copy of Parenting With Love and Logic. I am not commissioned to promote this Book but many of my Blogs about Parenting is inspired by it. I could write Volume on the Subject of Rough Edges, at this point of this Blog I believe that I have made my point. Tolstoy I will never be, I believe that a Blog should have the same effect of a Book on one single Page. In conclusion, Rough Edges should be smoothed out before they become Jagged Edges.
P.S. Thank God my Mother Smoothed out my Rough Edges before they became Jagged.