Life, Parenting And Relationships

Bullying

 

Rough Edges

Bullies are People with shortcomings and inadequacies, to be more precise they are People with Rough Edges. Usually they are unhappy and filled with envy.

There are many signs of rough edges, to say the least, the lack of Politeness, Humility and Grace shows the Granite in you. When a simple Debate brings out the Weapons, be they Words, Swords, Daggers or Pistols, you have crossed the line. Now we are dealing with Jagged Edges. The old adage Sticks and Stones is Fabricated. A thirteen years old Poet wrote, ” the mighty Arrow delivers a piercing blow, the Sword delivers a sharp blow but Words delivers the most Devastating of blows.

I can swear to that statement, I come from  mixed Genes, my Grandmother was a Mulatto Woman, My Grandfather was Pure African. The Complexions of their children were staggered. At six years old I felt the devastation of piercing Words. One of my Aunts who was fair skinned chose to embed in my impressionable mind that I was the Inferiority of the Family Tree. She tagged me with the name Blackie. That was my first encounter with Bullying, until today I still can’t understand why a grown adult would torment a Child. However it happens everyday in Families. Inadequate Parents use harsh words to chastise their Children, piercing Words that diminish the Child’s self-esteem. How crude and inhumane when you get it from your own Family. Kids in School were a reflection of their Parents rough edges. By the time I turned fourteen as a result of harsh Words and Bullying I was an Accomplished Street Fighter with a Reputation. I had all the qualifications of being a Bully, I was bigger than most Kids my age and knew how to fight. Instead I chose to beat down Bullies.

When it came to our upkeep my Mother was near fanatic, our appearances were immaculate. At eleven years old we moved in a Neighborhood where the closest School was Parochial. Dressing for School each Day we looked like Military Men on Parade. The white shirts were pristine, the Khaki pants were creased and the shoes polished to sparkle. In that Neighborhood were three Brothers, the Higgings Boys. Those Boys older than we were made it their jobs to send us home dirty tattered and bruised each Day. Up to that point my Brother and I knew nothing about fighting, we had no choice but to learn. Three against two, we learned fast and excell quickly. To some degree I think that we asked for the confrontations by taking the shortcut through an open field each Day. That made us sitting Ducks for daily Ambushes. Anyway these three Bullies got the worst of it. We got tired of going home tattered and dirty so we decided to send them home battered and bruised instead. We developed fighting techniques Bruce Lee would be proud of. My all-time favorite was putting my Books in my Brother’s Backpack and loading mine with Rocks. The first of the Aggressors would go down hard when introduced to my Backpack and the other Cowards would run and leave their Brother whimpering.

Three years later I was now in Junior High, one Day the biggest Bully in the Shool and the entire Neighborhood picked on me for no other reasons than to humiliate and humble me. I was seconds from crying Uncle, he was two years older than I and more skilled. At the moment of begging for Mercy, a huge Stick presented itself, the color of Mercy had changed. Every Limb that had brutalized me were introduced to the Stick. The fight started in the back of the School, I escorted him off the School Property, beating him with the Stick the entire hundred yards to the front Gate. For all the Bullying that goes on these Days, I feel compelled to tell you that the Kids in that School will tell their Grandchildren of that Day. They all gathered behind me Cheering the entire way to the Front Gate. It appears that there were no Teachers or the Dean in School that Day, no one tried to break up the fight.  By the time I got to High School my past had vanished, as if I shed my skin. No one knew of my fighting skills. I went to Taft High School in the Bronx, not the toughest Neighborhood in the Bronx. Nonetheless it had it’s Reputation, for this is where the Bronx Tale had Manifested. There were Fights everyday after School, Blacks against Whites, Gay Bashings and just plain Bullying. The first School Shooting occurred in the Basement of Taft.

When your Kids show signs of Bullying those are signs of rough edges, it is your Job to address it before they meet someone who will teach them Manners. It appears that my Tormentor came from a long line of Bullies his two older Brothers seventeen and eighteen were Executed by a Gang Firing Squad within a week of looking for me. Today Bullying is out of control, one Day my seven years old Niece and her next Door Neighbor made me blush with the words they called each other, in a war of Words. Bullying starts that early and goes all the way to Columbine. Nikalus Cruz was a Bully who got into many altercations and fights, ultimately his rough edges turned to jagged edges. To me it appears that the Boy could not handle his Parents miserably separation.

Nicolas Cruz
Killed 17 fellow Students

Most sensible People can tell when a Brushfire threatens to burn out of control. His Parents did not see, the Community did not see, his Classmates did not see and neither did the School. One Day the Brushfire became a Forest Fire, on that Day he went to School and Killed seventeen of his Classmates, then went to McDonald’s and bought himself a Meal. Did I mention Jagged Edges, today the World is consumed with Jagged Edges. In my old Hometown of Wilkes Barre Pennsylvania a Child Molester exposed, decided to kill his Victim and half the Block. Today he lives comfortably in a Prison for the Criminally Insane, his Drugs provided with my Tax Dollars make me Insane. Let me be redundant, Jagged Edges is the byproduct of Rough Edges.

Twenty miles from Wilkes Barre in a Road Rage incident a young Woman going to College cuts off another Driver to make her exit is shot in the Head by a seemingly intelligent young Man with Jagged Edges, and easy accessibility to Guns. Rough Edges is the Norm in today’s Society, you have Parents with rough edges, Teachers, Lawyers, Doctors, Priests and worse of all Politicians with Nuclear accessibility. As I have said over and again Parenting is the hardest job in the World. If you weren’t raised up properly how are you going to smooth out your Children’s Rough Edges. That’s why I believe that as soon as you find out that you are going to become a Parent, you should run out and buy a copy of Parenting With Love and Logic. I am not commissioned to promote this Book but many of my Blogs about Parenting is inspired by it. I could write Volume on the Subject of Rough Edges, at this point of this Blog I believe that I have made my point. Tolstoy I will never be, I believe that a Blog should have the same effect of a Book on one single Page. In conclusion, Rough Edges should be smoothed out before they become Jagged Edges.

P.S. Thank God my Mother Smoothed out my Rough Edges before they became Jagged.

 

 

 

 

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Life, Parenting And Relationships

Cats In The Cradle


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You are Born into this World to one who carries the Title of Mother, with the definition of loving, adept in caring and the most ferocious protector. A True Mother possess the utmost ability For nuturing, the best of Dads only comes close. For eleven years she never gave you any indication that your perception of her was misconceived. Then one Day she developed a bad case of the Breeze, and like a gust of wind she is gone. I have stated before abandoning your children is an awful trait that many Men possess. When Women do It that’s a whole different Animal. Mothers have a great propensity for caring and nurturing. So when a Woman abandons two young Daughters she is not a Mother, only a Baby maker. It was nothing you did or didn’t do.

Dad was the most loving and caring Man, he was a great provider. Again it was nothing he did or didn’t do. Mom wasn’t a true Mother, a true Mother does not fly away and leave two Daughters for a Man who doesn’t care about her Children. This is a true story told to me by a Coworker. When he learned that I wrote Blogs, he asked me what do I write about, I told him Parenting and Relationships. He said Tony do I have a Blog for you. At first we decided to call the Blog The Librarian, due to the fact that after ten lonely years of caring for his Daughters, always looking for someone who cared for them also and not just him.

One day he met a Woman who was a Librarian and Married her. Someone to help him  finish the Job of raising two Daughters after their Mother abandoned the Family for a younger more attractive and sexier Man, someone to satisfy her raging Harmones. I guess that was a good enough reason to run off and leave two young Daughters for a Man to raise and teach them the things only a Mother can. His Story broke my Heart. I decided to name the Blog Stand Up Dad. Because for ten years that is exactly what he did for two Rebellious little Brats, they treated him as if it was his fault why their no good horny Mother ran off and left them to raise themselves, if not for the dedication of a loving Father.

Did I mention that People Bites. A lot of Men in their prime would have dropped them off at a Relative’s House and never looked back. Not my friend he was a stand up Guy who embraced his Responsibilities. The bad part was that he went above and beyond what a good Dad is supposed to be. He put them both through College, making their lives easier he bought them a Condo so they didn’t have to live in a Dorm. Talking about Low Life people these two Girls Graduated College, neither of them possessed not one Gram of ambition. Unilaterally they decided to move back Home and live off the Old Man, instead of putting their Education to good use and Forge their own way in Life. You can take some People to River’s Edge, making them drink is another Story.

You live as long as I have lived and you think you’ve heard it all. Sometimes I think that telling the Stories of the People I have known is my only motivation for Writing. He told me that these two Minions did their best to break up his Marriage. They didn’t want that Woman in what they considered their House. There is no doubt in my Mind that if he was in a Debilitating condition and needed their help, they would not be living there. These were not loving caring People, they were selfish, greedy and malicious. They wanted her out of the Will. John Legend puts it Best, who do we think we are. It absolutely Gauls me, When miserable little people who think nothing of ruining other People’s Lives, when theirs is in a Portable Toilet. They resented the Woman who tried to fill the void their Mother created in their lives, it’s like they had an Ax to grind for every Parent Figure. They disrespected their Father and his Wife, yet they didn’t have the mind of a Flea to know that after you have sucked the last drop of Blood it’s time to move on.

The confrontations even got to the point where he had the Cops removed them from his Home. Yet the soft Hearted slob allowed them to return to continue spreading misery and the bitterness that was  inside of them. Makes you wonder how do we come by Our Genetic composition. They were 100% their Mother’s offspring, they were Cold Hearted People, just like the one who abandoned them. There was nothing in them that resembled their Father, a loving caring Man.  I have spent a Lifetime trying to figure out what makes people Tick, what drives them to be inhumane to the ones who loved them. I don’t wish evil on good People. For these two blowing their Fertile years waiting for the Old Man’s Money. I see two Krones looking out the Mansion’s Window, realizing that they went too far. Oftentimes I wonder how do they Reconcile with their God, or do they Acknowledge Him. So in this late stage in Life I have come to the conclusion that we are all born with our own Minions. How we deal with them and whether we let them Dictate our Lives Define who we are, Divine Creatures or Children of the Corn.

P.S. in the end he lost his Job because the situation at Home consumed his every Thought, he was unable to function at work.

P.P.S. If Thy right Hand offends Thee cut it off.

Life, Parenting And Relationships

Dogs

For thirty seven years every time a sex scandal breaks, all I ever heard from my Wife is Men are dogs. Even though I know she wasn’t referring to me. One thing she always said to me is that I was going to Hell for holding a grudge. Many a Days when she made me mad, I would crawl in bed, turn my Back to her and snored like a Bear, even if she was in her Birthday Suit and smelling like a Flower. That is what a real Man do, he does not put his Pride in his back Pocket, he does not abandon his conviction,  compromise his Ideals, sell his Soul, throw away everything, lose his Mind or his Career for a little Piece. And there you have it, the motivation for this Blog.

My first experience to Men who would throw it all away for a moment pleasure came when I was fourteen. Someone of great trust a pillar of the Community, a Teacher, tried to Rape me across the Street from a Police Precinct. If I had screamed the Cops would heard me loud and clear hollering Rape. The poor Dumb Rapist did not do his Homework, otherwise he would have known that I had a reputation of kicking Asses of people much older than I was. All for a piece of Ass he carried my souvenir for the rest of his Life, a Glass Eye. I Nailed him so hard in his Eye it almost fell out of the Socket and hit the Floor. I am pretty sure the Cops heard him screaming like a little Girl. That’s what you get when you stretch your Loins instead of your Mind.

Not long after that I kept hearing Rumors of Altar Boys being Molested and Raped by Priests I was still fourteen. I thought to myself maybe I needed to get a Gun to protect myself from the People who were supposed to Protect me. Three months away from fifteen I became friends with a twelve years old Catholic School Attendee, that Boy had access to more Marijuana than many Dealers, his Brother was one. Many days after School when we should be Home doing our Homework, we sat in the Schoolyard smoking some of the most Potent Strains , exchanging Stories of Molestation that went all the way up to the Bishop. No wonder that at twelve and fourteen our Heads were all screwed up smoking Marijuana trying to make sense of the Madness.

We were both deep into Music Jethro Thul’s Aqualong was one of our favorite, our favorite verse, eyeing little Girls in baggy Pants. Need I say more, we were being corrupted by Our Society. A few years later two Brothers the Timmins Brothers both sixteen years old were Arrested for a string of Rapes, probably twelve. All perpetrated on Seniors, Women old enough to be their Great Grandmothers. The World that we were coming into was unraveling in front of our Eyes. Sex was now more important than Morality and everything else. Sodom and Gomorrah had resurged. And still have not gone away. Over the years stories of Infants, Adolescents, Teenagers and grown Women being Molested an Raped has made it to Epidemic status.

Which takes me back thirty seven years when I first heard my Wife saying that men are Dogs. At this point in my Life I beg to disagree, they are Primates- Cro-magnon, still wearing Loincloth hunched over. When your primitive Sex drive outweighs all, including your freedom, your Career and your Dignity calling you a Dog is an insult to Man’s Best Friend. Which makes me ask the question is Testosterone the Driving force of Life? It has been speculated that Cain killed his Brother over a Woman, Countries gone to War, Kings Abdicating their Thrones, Rich Men giving up Fortunes, over a Woman. My English Literature Teacher’s words resonates in my Head ” what is the Author not saying” it’s not a Woman it’s the Itch.

Failure to control the Itch has made Monkeys out of many Great Men. Judges, Doctors, Presidents, Bishops, Clergymen, CEOs, Teachers, Actors, Comedians, Television Personalities, Fathers and young Boys. Many are sitting in Prisons because they acted like Dogs in Heat. They lost their freedom and everything all because they never heard of a cold Shower, now they are showering with big Burly Men who take what they want, even if you are only eighteen and a Virgin. Two years ago in Tampa, a young man of seventeen was Arrested and Convicted of two Rapes. He raped his first victim when he was sixteen, the victim was sixty. Barely seventeen he attacked his second victim, she was seventeen and College Bound with great aspirations.

He gave her such a severe beating she is now in a Vegetative state unable to speak or eat. May God help us all for what we’ve become, Chimpanzees in Heat. My Wife is an Avid Reader, she finds Stories that doesn’t make Mainstream Media. The other day she informed me that one of my favorite Personalities was Raped by her Dad a Minister. She was in her early Teens when her own Father Impregnated her. Again we are back in the Caves, your Granddaughter is your Daughter, Deliverance all over again. Since we are nothing but Barbarians at least one Custom should still be in our Penal Code, Castration.

Although I have written in many Blogs that you can’t always blame Society and the Parents for all your mal-adjustments. At this late stage in Life I am developing inward conflicts of those Beliefs. The Media sells Sex as if it was more important than Food, Kids barely sixteen becoming Parents, not mature enough to guide themselves, what can you expect from their Offsprings. For instance when I was thirteen a fifteen years old Nymphomaniac lined up four other Boys and myself and introduced us to Sex. I am beginning to convince myself that it is a Parenting issue. Although The Media doesn’t help being Manipulative and Suggestive. When I was younger I used to think that the Moral Majority was Intrusive and Overbearing, all that has changed with the aforementioned. Without Morality we are back in the Caves Naked and without a Candle.

Life, Parenting And Relationships

Self Analysis

 

 

 

The Bible says “to thine own self be true”

Yet the average Person lives in a Bubble of Deception and Denial. Sometimes it even makes us ill causing Psychosis and Delusions. Sometimes we ends up on someone’s Couch shelling out over one hundred dollars an hour for someone to tell us to look deep inside our self and we will find the Root of our problem.

I would bet my Life that there is a great disproportionate number of people who have never thought about self Analysis. They go through one bad experience after another and they blame it on Bad Luck. One bad Relationship after another still blaming Luck, I don’t remember where I’ve heard it ” you make your own Luck”.The reason for that is that complacency rules the average person’s life, changes are not easy, it is way more easy to accept mediocrity and status quo than to take a long hard look at my Life.

 

 

 

At eighteen I read a Book I am not certain that it was Think And Grow Rich, or The Greatest Salesman the Book not only spoke of Financial Gains, but also enriching your day to day Life. In one Chapter it encourages Self Analysis, that chapter changed my entire Life. I took a sheet of paper, drew lines with Headings, I listed my weaknesses and strong points and the changes I would like to happen. At that point in my Life I was on the Axis of becoming Notorious or following my Mother’s Christian Teachings. She told me that Money wasn’t everything, also it was important to have a restful night’s sleep, not ducking under my Bed every time I heard a Car backfired or someone knocking at the Door.

 

 

 

That Book thought me how to have a successful rewarding life without lots of Money and a Flourishing Relationship with everyone, all from taking Analysis of myself. During the same period I remember reading about this Actor who was Married numerous times, six or seven times, all ended with Divorces, each time he blamed the Women. People like that are pathetic, even when you catch them with the smoking Gun, they will blame someone else. When they look in the Mirror they don’t see Mr Hyde, they see Mr Wonderful. I grew up with someone like that,  he should have been the inspiration for this Blog. If he is caught red-handed he would rather shed Crocodile Tears than to fess-up, making you feel guilty for accusing him of something you know for a fact that he did it.

 

 

 

People like that are good Actors on a Stage of Deception, Bad Actors on the Stage of Life. My Mother would say that someone like that has the Devil in them. I have been Married for thirty seven years and if I hadn’t done a self Analysis at eighteen I would have been Divorced thirty seven times. During my self Analysis I found out that I was self centered, manipulative and self-gratifying. What horrible Traits to bring to the Table of Marriage. By the time I got Married at thirty I had Abolished the old Me, I was the Ideal Candidate for Marriage. I was receptive of others feelings, there was no I in Team and I never forced anyone to do what they didn’t want to do.

 

 

 

Now here I am thirty seven years later daring you to self Analize yourself before you are on someone’s Couch bearing your Soul for one Hundred and seven Dollars per Hour and blaming everyone else from Mom to Society. Over the years I have learned that not only Drugs and Alcohol are Addictive, Sex also can Rule your Life. I met Jerry when I was sixteen he was eighteen, he was physically gifted and more Handsome than his Dad who thought he was too good for one Woman,  he abandoned the Family to Pollinate every flower in the Garden. His young Son absorbed his Values, Jerry was the envy of our tightly knit group of Teenagers, his conquests were unbelievable to the point of gratifying Mother and Daughter at eighteen.

 

 

 

Self Analysis was not in his Curriculums, he had not noticed that he was his Father’s Son. When he got Married to another childhood friend of mine I put Welts on my Back for not telling her what she had gotten herself into. I hoped desperately  that the Zebra’s stripes had fade, that was very naive of me. He treated her the same way his Father treated his Mother, a Woman in every State. Oftentimes I asked myself why would he want to live his Father’s Life instead of his own. The relationship was so bad, always arguing and fighting in front of his six years old Son, one Day I witness the Child slapping his Mother’s Face with all his might, I wondered where did he get that from.

 

 

 

Its been forty five years that I have seen that family, in my Mind’s Eye I see the Child carrying on his Grandfather’s Legacy, if he never conducted his own self Analysis. I must tell you Guys that if I hadn’t lived such a Colourful Life and had not pay attention to the People I grew up with I would have nothing to write about, my Imagination is not that Vivid. Anyway we are talking about self Analysis by taking stock of myself I was able to grow Rich in Life, Love and Happiness. I wish that I could say the same for Leona,  during the summer break of seventy one I worked for her Father in his inherited Business that’s where I met her, she was a pampered Child. When she got her license she was sixteen going on seventeen, her Parents gave her a Brand New Cadillac. She was raised to worship Money. When it came time to Marry she passed up Love for the Love of Money. She married a Millionaire with bad Temperaments, someone who needed Professional Analysis. Whenever he returned from Vegas a looser she was the recipient of his wrath. Broken Bones weren’t uncommon, while her Kids behind walls with Ears witnessed their Parent’s shame, molding and shaping their own future Life. Parting Words ” just do it”.

Life

To Your own Self Be Real

 

 



Pretending can consume an entire life, it started when we are children, we play house she was the mama you were the papa, you were the bad guy I was the good guy. fine and dandy what else are kids going to do but emulate others, the sad part is it never ends. Everybody wants to look like someone else, be someone else and Act like who they aren’t. Originality, Individuality and genuineness is a rarity. Now you reach adolescent and the pretense grows into juvenile delinquent because you are pretending that you are cool and you know everything. Still it doesn’t end, a cool teenager who knows everything is dangerous to themselves and others. You haven’t walk a mile in the real World, yet you Strut like a Peacock. Puberty is coming to an end and pretending to be a man is the ultimate pretense. You can make Babies, but a real man stands up to his responsibilities and stands by his woman, sometimes to the end.

 



Now you are a player you pretend to be someone  trustworthy and caring, while you pretend with the concubine that you are serious about them, while your eyes are glued on their girlfriends. So far nothing about you is real, you deceive your parents by undermining their wisdom,  those who live lifestyles you should avoid, you emulate pretending to be them.( cats in the cradle, I’m going to be just like you Dad) a deserter and an abuser. Where does the pretending ends, it doesn’t, you pretend to do better than your means hocked to your eyeballs keeping up with the Kardashian pretending to live a picture perfect lifestyle even though you know it’s only Hollywood life, make believe. Your reality is far from the Truth, My God will the real you please stand up.




The rest of your life you continue the Sham that you are better than your fellow man while you pretend to believe in God and is quick to kill to make a point. You profess your Love only to end in deceit, you take a Job to serve the Public, only to have them serve your pretentious and deceptive ideals. You pretends  to serve God but the Devil is your master ( many will profess my name) I once knew a Preacher and a Deacon who bragged of their conquest among the Congregation. Years ago a church going God fearing man killed his wife and his Minister, I wonder how long he endured the deception before he lost his way. Even since childhood when I was not worthy of being a Christian Woman’s child I never pretended to be an Angel, I left that to the Hypocrites.

 



When I grew to be a Man I chose to be Real, I did  unto others and expected likewise, I commanded respect for who and what I portrayed myself to be. I chose one Woman and over thirty seven years I stayed the course, never once unfaithful. When you tell lies, each time you try to cover your tracks you dig a deeper Hole. After a while the broken hearts, broken minds, spirits and souls you put in that hole forms a mound to the high Heaven’s. To survive in a world of deception you need to read more than just print, body language is highly underrated. In High School one of my English Literature Teacher constantly challenged me to tell her what is the Author not saying, she taught me how to live in a deceptive World. Knowing how to read what someone isn’t saying can guide you through the Quicksand of Deception.

 



Later on in life I once told my supervisor that I could spot a slacker one mile in the Fog, she didn’t believe me. She got promoted to regional manager and was fired in six months. If you can read body language it becomes your Lighthouse in a storm of deception. Something I read one the subject goes, it is important to understand the role that deception plays in our emotional lives,  because it impedes self understanding and the formation of justified beliefs about ourselves, others and the world as a whole. Deception inhibits our attempt to become more reflective in our understanding, clarifying and evaluating our emotions. Self deception and willful ignorance pose a serious impediment to reflective cognitive affective and conative growth. It also inhibits our attempt to make more reflective evaluations of our institutions, social practices and ideologies that shape and are shaped by our self interpretations. Meaning that deception screws you up and all around you. In the end I say live the life and be proud of what you are.